I decided to listen to Bach today.
(And if you were to imply that I only did such a thing so that I could put the obvious pun to play, I would heatedly deny the accusation and mutter “How dare you!?”, despite that being the awkward truth.)
Alas, that your ears are busy … [Click and feel Calmed with a bit o’ Bach]
The foundation year is over. Despite the stress and hopelessness I’d begun to sink into, I earned a merit for my efforts- which I’m pretty happy with. Sunday, I moved out of my student accommodation, said a teary goodbye to my flatmate, and now I’m home again.
While it feels good, there’s that bittersweet loss of independence creeping up, not to mention the great sense of non-purpose. Ironic that I spent a year happily complaining to other students about the workload and, soon as it’s over, I’m needing more. That’s definitely a positive, though, and over the last few weeks I have been drawing a lot more, painting, and I’ve even performed some poetry here and there (so I need to get a lot more of that up too).
The art foundation did for me what I was told it would do upon my studying it, I just wasn’t prepared for that.
I went in with my head set for Illustration– Illustration or Fine Art, that is. But before the first term was up, my heart had been stolen by, not an enigmatic art-boy, nor a too-real-for-Shiele film student, but for Animation. I fell like a sack of bricks- I won’t lie. She was beautiful.
It didn’t particularly help that nigh everything on the AUB Animation Vimeo was so damn good- I started having all sorts of dreams of the relationship that Animation and I could have together, and I tried! Stuck out at it from the Pathway split, but no matter what I did, what I tried, I didn’t seem to be good enough. She was way above my league.
Ah, that’s rebounds for you, huh? I ‘finished’ my final animation, though that may not be the best word to use for what I produced. Either way, I don’t regret trying it for the period I did, getting to know what exactly is involved. I’m proud of the direction I went in, the things I discovered and the processes I went through. Animation isn’t my strength- I’m certain of this much, but I haven’t completely given up on it. I’d still love to do it in my own time. I’ve been accepted for Illustration at AUB however, and that’s what I’ll keep to. Bristol did give me an Unconditional offer for Animation, but, it seems, it wasn’t meant to be. I’ll linger a while longer with still images.
Several times along the road I was overcome with the fear that an overload of what I love to do (being art all day everyday) might become too much and I’d begin to hate it. While frustration definitely reared a head once or twice (+ a thousand times), I love what I’m doing just as much as I did before– if not more. The passion is definitely still there, so I’ll take that as a sign that I’m on the right track, right?
I’ve realised a lot this year, though. Could have done more. Could have dawdled less. Could have given myself a lot less stress, and also reduced the list of things I allowed myself to get het up about. The truth is, I’m not the adult I keep trying to build myself up to be yet. I got told a surprising amount how young I am in these past nine months, just when I was starting to feel like unscrewing the training wheels and taking off.
I’ve got so much further to go, but I guess that’s okay.