I or You

I close my eyes again.
Just to see the skin of a love that I wanted
But I’ll bury it under pretend and pretense.

When I see you, do I look calm? Because,
Internally, it’s intense. In here.
Internally I’ve this irrational fear that
to speak to you would raze our world to the ground.

I’d like to admit that my hands want to know
how quickly the bumps on your skin will grow
when I touch-

But I can’t make a sound.

Unsteady smile- caused by the nerves
beneath it. Worthwhile were our eyes meeting,
and I loved it- loved the taste of your alcohol tinted lips,
But the memory now fails.
And when confidence slips away on these unstable rails,
taking with it all important details,
I withdraw.

Did I lean in- or you?
Did I grab your body or you hold my face?

Did I whisper without words that my arm wants your waist,
and my body your embrace,
and did you answer too?

Was it just a kiss as the club lights turn blue
and illuminate you in the colour of electric-
Eclectic hue of the sky, and sea,
And your eyes-
This view might be all that I need,
But it’s lies; you think that it’s just the night,
But I want you with all that I am, and
I close my eyes again.

The featured image does note belong to me.


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